"'Gilligan's' Mary Ann Caught With Dope"
Nice job, NY Times. Just the right mix of sleazy tabloid and pop culture reference to more innocent times. I just knew the Professor was making meth in coconut shells. That's why they could never manage to get off of the island - they were all too high and drinking too much of Mr. Howell's bathtub gin to turn their talents to something more useful like a raft. Poor Mary Ann just never kicked the drug habit, and has used it to comfort her all these years about never getting the Professor.
Update: A friend of mine just called to tell me he found one that said "Mary Ann and Mary Jane." Brilliant.