Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Office Snark

It's been a snarky day in the office. But you cannot make this crazy shit up, people.

The Magical Disappearing Kitchen
9:30 a.m. - One of our administrative assistants (let's call her Shirley) apparently gets lost trying to find the kitchen. We have only been in this building for three and a half months. I can see how finding the kitchen might still be hard, especially when it is that long 25 feet from your cubicle. Shirley also has a habit of wandering around the office talking to herself at high volume, which is how my colleague ANW collected these gems:

E-mail from ANW:

“I need some coffee!!!”
“Oooh, where AM I?”
“WHERE’S the kitchen???!” (I could hear her voice coming from the end of my little hallway, right next to the door to the kitchen!)
She then walked by my office, coffee pot in hand, and declared “I just get so lost in this place!!”

Eve (another admin. assistant): "Shirley, I hear you."

Shirley: "Eve, I'm over here!"

Eve (walking towards Shirley and “finding” her somewhere near the mailboxes, which are about 15 feet from the kitchen): “Why are you taking the long way home?”
Shirley: “I just get so lost!!"

A Turkey. Really. A Real Turkey.

"For the past five years, Gobbles had taken up residence at the Volpe Transportation Center, mostly looking at his reflection in pick-up trucks parked in the center's parking lot, chasing squirrels, and pecking at whatever he felt like."
But that's not all. There is a VIDEO TRIBUTE to Mr. Gobbles, put together by one of the Volpe employees. It' Or something.


And back to the kitchen......

Do people in the kitchen not realize that if they sing while in the kitchen WE CAN HEAR IT?

Just being in the kitchen does not render you (a) invisible or (b) silent, even if it is a Magical Disappearing Kitchen.

And, in case you were wondering, the kitchen acoustics do not (c) make you a good singer.

(I just have a thing against singing in the office - I just don't think you should. At all. Ever. Inappropriate. I think I was scarred by a previous work experience where the person who sat in the next cube would sing gospel and hymns kinda loud and kinda a lot, plus some pretty fervent loud praying of the -I'm-going-to-swoon-in-the-church-aisle-and-fall-down-twitching-because-the-spirit-has-MOVED-me type. Which made me want to fall down twitching from sheer discomfort. And Believer cooties - ewww! Gack!)

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